One Year Living with MBC

  

  Sorry about the generic title for my blog.  Nothing about Metastatic Breast Cancer is "normal", but this is My new norm for     the     rest    of     my     life.       Life is crazy enough, but now I deal with doctor appointments at least monthly and CT scans every 2-3 months, getting my blood labs at least monthly to check my counts and tumor markers, reading about cancer, talking with an integrative doctor, dealing with insurance and pharmacy issues, etc.  I'm not complaining.  I realize other people have issues and are dealing with more serious things than I am.  I try to live by the motto "Be Kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."

  Okay, so let me give a short recap of my my cancer history.  In March of 2016 (37 years old), I felt a lump under my right armpit (turned out to be cancer in my lymph node).  I was diagnosed with stage II invasive ductal carcinoma.  I had genetic testing and found out I was BRCA-2 positive.  I started chemo (AC, then Taxol), had a double mastectomy and full hysterectomy in August, then radiation.  I would take Tamoxifen for 10 years.  I thought I had done everything possible in order for the cancer not to come back, and for some reason I was not worried.  I had gone through a terrible 2016 and I was done.  If it did come back, it would be when I was an old lady.  At least that's what I thought...

  I had a great few years living without the worry of cancer.  My son was growing up, my husband and I took classes to be foster parents and after taking in our first foster child in December 2017, adopted our daughter in May of 2018.        

  Fast forward to February 2020.  I had been nauseous and vomiting off and on for almost two months.  I went to my primary care doctor and oncologist, but I downplay everything, so no scans were ordered.  My primary care doctor thought it may be my gall bladder.  I finally went to the ER and a CT was done.  The doctor came in and said "you have tumors in 60% of your liver."  Ummm...  Seriously?!?  I still had no idea what Metastatic Breast Cancer was (pathetic, I know).  I saw my oncologist the next day and learned quickly.  Here is what I heard:  "Stage IV, no cure, treatment for the rest of your life, we'll order an MRI to be sure it's not in your brain."  That basically sums it up anyway.  All I could think was I want to be around to see my kids grow up.  So, at 41 years old I am diagnosed with terminal cancer.  I have tumors in more than half of my liver and a few in my bones.  Life is never what you expect it will be.      

              

  Well, it’s been a year living with MBC.  It’s been a roller coaster, especially with the entire world dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic too (plus continued racial inequality, political insanity, and a huge division in our country).  Everyone is dealing with a lot this year.          

  I've tried to focus on what I can control, but there is room for improvement.  There is so much information about cancer: what you should eat/drink, what you should not eat/drink, supplements, standard treatment, repurposed drugs, working out, fasting.... I feel like no matter what I do, it's not enough and I constantly feel guilty that I'm not doing everything I can.

  Some days I just want to ignore cancer... it's exhausting.  I'm exhausted.  I'll post again soon.